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It is
important that mothers do not underestimate the place and power they have
in their relationship with their son. For sons to know that their mother
loves them and is proud of them is vitally important to their self-esteem.
Mothers can also keep their sons from completely disconnecting from their
emotional selves by continuing to communicate feelings and inner thoughts.
Mothers
can –
| · | Keep sharing what you feel so you remain real and whole to your son. |
| · | Keep
asking what your son is feeling even when he doesn’t answer. It is
time that males got out of their caves and started talking. Mothers
can challenge the acceptance that men somehow need to disappear
alone into their emotional caves by not ignoring their silence. |
| · | Remain
a part of his life, even though the male culture will label you as a
“controlling” or “emotionally damaging” mother. In truth
what is damaging is how sons are expected to disconnect from their
emotions and mothers and not need anyone. |
| · | Challenge
the messages that mothers have to “let go” of their sons in
order for them to become men. Having their mother in their life
actually enhances a man’s life. The saying “a son’s your son
‘til he takes a wife, your daughter’s your daughter the rest of
your life” needs to be ignored and given a ceremonial burning for
both our sons’ and daughters’ sake. |
| · | Be careful
how you talk about men being the enemy to women’s rights and
equality. Sons are not the cause of a mother’s lack of
empowerment. It is important that boys are seen as victims of a
culture that moulds them into being a certain type of male that is
emotionally disconnected and independent, just as much as females
are a victim of being moulded into being “nice” and
“compliant”. |
| · | Mothers
need to stop doing all the emotional work within the family. This
means no longer being the one who shares what everyone is doing and
feeling to grandparents and other family members. It means expecting
an emotional answer when you inquire how they are. The idea that men
are not relational needs a ceremonial burning. Expect your son to be
emotionally present in all his relationships. |
| · | Do
not treat your son as an “entitled prince” or “golden boy”
who cannot do wrong, is not accountable for his behaviour, and
doesn’t need to do his equal share in family chores. |
| · | Teach boys to value their full humanity. This means helping them understand and honour all the parts that make them who they are, including their emotional and relational parts. It is important to help them feel good about themselves and challenge the male culture that threatens them with homophobic taunts if they reveal their emotional side. |
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